My King!

Jesus throughout the Bible

In Genesis He is the Seed of the women
In Exodus He is the Passover lamb
In Deut eronomy He is the Profit as unto Moses
Leviticus He is our high priest
In Numbers He is the Pillar of Cloud by day and the Pillar of fire by night
In Joshua He is the Captain of our salvation
In Judges He is our Judge
In Ruth He is our Redeemer
1 & 2 Samuel He is the Trusted Prophet
In Kings & Chronicles He is the Reigning King
In Ezra He is the Rebuilder of broken down walls in human life
In Esther He is our Mordecai
In Job He is our ever-living Redeemer
In Psalms He is the Shepherd
In Prov & Ecl He is Wisdom
In Song of Solomon He is our loving Bridegroom
In Isaiah He is our Prince of Peace
In Jeremiah He is our righteous friend
In Lamentations He is the Weeping Prophet
In Ezekiel He is the Wonderful 4-face Man
In Daniel He is the Man to lighten fire furnace
In Hosea He is the Faithfull husband for every marriage to the backslider
In Joel The Baptiser of the Holy Ghost & fire
In Amos He is our Burden Barrier
In Obadiah He is mighty to save
In Jonah He is our Missionary
In Micah He is the Messenger of beautiful feet
In Nahum He is the Avenger of God’s Land
In Habakkuk He is God’s Evangelist crying: Revive thy works in the midst of the of the years
Zephaniah He is our saviour
In Haggai He is the Restorer of God’s lost heritage
In Zachariah He is the Fountain that opened up in the house of David for sin and uncleanliness
In Malachi He is the Son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
In Matthew He is the King of the JEWS
In Mark He is our Servant
In Luke He is the Son of man, feeling what you feel
In John He is the Son of God
In Acts He is the saviour of the world
In Romans He is the righteousness of God
1 Corinthians He is the Rock
2 Corinthians He is the triumphant One giving victory
In Galatians He is your liberty - He sets u free
In Ephesians He is the Head of the Church
In Philippians He is your joy
In Colossians He is your completeness
1 & 2 Thes He is your hope
1 Timothy He is your faith
2 Timothy He is your stability
Philemon He is your benefactor
In Titus He is truth
In Hebrews He is your perfection
In James He is the power behind your faith
1 Peter He is your example
2 Peter He is your purity
1 John He is your life
2 John He is your pattern
3 John He is your motivation
In Jude He is the foundation of your faith
In Revelation He is your coming King

Christmas

There is just something about Christmas that unifies the world… think about it for a minute… whether u believe in Jesus or not - For at least a few days, most part of the world knows that we as Christians celebrate the birth of our beloved Jesus.  And HIS name is on everyone’s minds….

(Christmas = mass people hear about Christ)

a Word in Season

This is what the LORD says ...

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

The wild animals honor Me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to My people, My chosen, the people I formed for Myself that they may proclaim My praise.

Isaiah 43:18-21

Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex

A Real Look at Pornography!

EXPOSED exposed EXPOSED exposed EXPOSED exposed EXPOSED

Find freedom from porn addiction - See the 9 lies of pornography and how to break free.  By Gene McConnell

Pornography addiction...sex out of context

On a cold, dark night, there's nothing better than a blazing fire in the fireplace. You can pile on the wood and let it burn nice and warm. It's safe, warm, relaxing and romantic. Now take that same fire out of the fireplace (which was built for it) and drop it in the middle of the living room. Suddenly it becomes destructive. It can burn down the whole house and kill everyone inside. Sex is like that fire. As long as it's expressed in the protective commitment of a marriage relationship, it's wonderful, warm and romantic. But porn takes sex outside that context.

It's a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn't care how. They'll show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more. "There were 11,000 porn video titles last year versus 400 movie releases from Hollywood last year...[and] 70,000 pornographic web sites."1

What Fuels Porn Addiction

One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers -- people they just met. All that matters is my satisfaction. It doesn't matter whose body I'm using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.

To Find Freedom from Porn Addiction: Recognize the Lies

You can't learn the truth about sex from pornography. It doesn't deal in truth. Pornography is not made to educate, but to sell. So, pornography will tell whatever lies attract and hold the audience. Porn thrives on lies -- lies about sex, women, marriage and a lot of other things. Let's look at some of those lies and see just how badly they can mess up your life and attitudes.

•Lie #1 - Women are less than human

The women in Playboy magazine are called "bunnies," making them cute little animals or "playmates," making them a toy. Penthouse magazine calls them "pets." Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings or body parts. Some pornography shows only the body or the genitals and doesn't show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

•Lie #2 - Women are a "sport"

Some sports magazines have a "swimsuit" issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game, you have to "win," "conquer," or "score." Men who buy into this view like to talk about "scoring" with women. They start judging their manhood by how many "conquests" they can make. Each woman I "score" with is another trophy on my shelf, another "notch" in my belt to validate my masculinity.

•Lie #3 - Women are property

We've all seen the pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message, "Buy one, and you get them both." Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalog, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.

•Lie #4 - A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body

Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the "perfect" woman. Porn doesn't care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.

•Lie #5 - Women like rape

"When she says no, she means yes" is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn teaches men to enjoying hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

•Lie #6 - Women should be degraded

Porn is often full of hate speech against women. Women are shown being tortured and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and begging for more. Does this kind of treatment show any respect for women? Any love? Or is it hatred and contempt that porn is promoting toward women?

•Lie #7 - Little kids should have sex

One of the biggest sellers in pornography is imitation "child" porn. The women are "made-up" to look like little girls by wearing pony tails, little girl shoes, holding a teddy bear. The message of the pictures and cartoons is that adults having sex with kids is normal. This sets the porn user up to see children in a sexual way.

•Lie #8 - Illegal sex is fun

Porn often has illegal or dangerous elements thrown in to make sex more "interesting." It suggests that you can't enjoy sex if it isn't weird, illegal or dangerous.

•Lie #9 - Prostitution is glamorous

Porn paints an exciting picture of prostitution. In reality, many of the women portrayed in pornographic material are runaway girls trapped in a life of slavery. Many having been sexually abused. Some of them are infected with incurable sexually transmitted diseases that are highly contagious and often die very young. Many take drugs just to cope.

Bottom Line of Porn Addiction

Pornography makes a profit from the ruined lives of young women and entraps men who will spend lots of time AND money succumbing to their product.

We might think that the things we see and hear don't affect us. Yet we all admit that good music, good movies and good books add a lot to our lives. They can relax us, educate us, move us or inspire us. Just as uplifting media can benefit us, pornographic images can negatively affect us.

Images are not always neutral. They can persuade us. Businesses know that if they can get a persuasive image of their product in front of you during a highly emotional moment, it will sink into your subconscious mind. The advertising scientists are so good at what they do, they can predict just how much more of their product you will buy if you see their ad. Sometimes, viewers don't even see the name of the product. Reeses Pieces paid a huge price just to have their candy shown for a few seconds in the movie "ET," and sales of Reeses Pieces skyrocketed. Why? Because the emotions connected with watching that small boy reaching out to the alien were transferred to the visual image of the candy. If a split second view of a product -- even when it's not the center of attention -- can affect people's behavior, imagine the effect of a movie that keeps your attention glued to the screen for an hour and a half with sexually explicit images.

What are the effects of pornography on a man?

What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads? If the wrong things keep getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so polluted that your life is going to have problems. One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.

Porn Addiction: The Pull of Pornography

Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children. However, some will have some kind of 'emotional opening' that allows the addiction to really grab hold. The porn companies don't mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It's great for business. Dr. Victor Cline has divided the progress of addiction into several stages; addiction, escalation, desensitization, and acting out. For porn addicts, I've found that there is another stage that comes first -- early exposure. Let's look at these stages:

EARLY EXPOSURE

Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when they are very young and 'it' gets its foot in the door.

PORN ADDICTION

You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked and can't quit.

ESCALATION

You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.

DESENSITIZATION

You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most graphic porn doesn't excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again, but you can't find it.

ACTING OUT SEXUALLY

This is the point where men make a crucial jump and start acting out the images they have seen. Some move from the paper and plastic images of porn into the real world, with real people, in destructive ways.

Porn Addiction: Am I Addicted?

If you see any of these patterns in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn becoming more and more in control of your life? Do you have trouble putting it down? Do you keep going back for more?

Porn Addiction: What Can I Do?

The first thing you've got to do is admit that you struggle with pornography. Millions of men are at various stages in the struggle with porn. It's really not surprising. The porn industry has spent billions of dollars trying to snare you. Is it really shocking that they have succeeded? For some of you there may also be issues in your past, such as abuse or sexual exposure, that makes porn addiction even harder to shake. There is only so much you can do in fighting addiction without help.

You need someone to help you break this addiction. Overcoming the secrecy is absolutely vital. You probably can't escape addiction without it. That doesn't mean everyone has to know you're struggling. Pick someone you can trust who counsels men who are having problems with addiction -- a pastor, youth group leader or counselor. Someone you can completely trust, feel safe with and has experience in the area of addiction isn't going to be surprised.

Is There Any Freedom from Porn Addiction?

Pornography entraps you with lies. In contrast, God can lead us into truth. Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Those who heard Jesus say this were offended and countered, "We have never been slaves of anyone, how can you say that we shall be set free?" And Jesus explained that people are enslaved to sin, but that He can set you free.

Sin not only enslaves us, but it distances us from God. And no one is perfect. No one is righteous in God's eyes. Instead we're told that "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way." We all deserve God's judgment and punishment. Yet God, who is holy and loving, provided a solution for our sin, so that we would not have to be justly condemned. He personally took the punishment for our sin on Himself. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was tortured and died on the cross for our sin so that we could be forgiven. Three days later Jesus rose from the dead, just as He said He would. And He now offers you a relationship with Him. One of the most amazing statements in the Bible is this one, "If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

The Most Important Relationship

In your search for intimacy and love, pornography is an empty substitute for real love. We have been created by God to have our intimacy needs met most deeply by God Himself. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." In contrast to the darkness and destruction that pornography can bring to people's lives, Jesus said, "I came that they might have life, and have it more abundantly." God offers you his forgiveness through a relationship with Him. Do you want to ask Him to forgive you and come into your life? You can tell Him right now.

If you need help putting this into words, here is prayer that might help:

"Lord Jesus, I am aware of my sin, and I know that You are also. I ask You to forgive me and cleanse me. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I ask You to come into my life right now and begin to work in my life. Direct my life as You see fit. Thank Your for Your forgiveness and for coming into my life right now."

He Convicts of Sin - Becoming Free

I greet you all again, brothers in Christ and pray that His love for you this week will lead you to enjoy victory and freedom. My road to freedom from this addiction did not come without a fight. For God has given us the power to overcome. My fight started when I was twenty eight coming back from the UK. After working in Cape Town for six months an opportunity arose to go to Johannesburg for a film project. I got invited to attend a church in Johannesburg which became a support structure for me. It was during that time that I started to learn what a faith walk meant with a few key things about fighting an addiction. God will come through in ways that will blow your mind. He truly knows what is best for you. I will share with you in the weeks to come what those key things are and I hope it helps you to walk in victory as God intended.

John 16:7-9
Nevertheless I tell you the truth, it is expedient for you that I depart, for if I do not depart, the Helper will not come to you. But whenever I go, I will send Him to you. And having come, that will convict the world about sin, and about justice, and about judgment. About sin because they truly did not believe in Me.

So let us begin to talk about freedom and what the first step is in the right direction. If you ask any true believer in Jesus how to recognise the work of the Spirit, one gets multiple answers. I spoke in a heavenly language, I felt joy or peace or both, I was set free etc. Looking at this scripture we see Jesus explaining a work of the Spirit that does not comfort us or make us feel all warm and fuzzy. It churns your stomach, or at least mine, just thinking about it. One can easily read over such a scripture. This begs the question: What sin is Jesus talking about and why is the word used as “sin” and not sins?

God tells us in His word that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. (See Isaiah 55:8) If you look closely at John 16, Jesus is calling unbelief a sin. “...they truly did not believe in Me.” Wow Jozua, a sin? “Come on man, I was not born with a state of believing”, or “ I wish I could believe?” We start rationalising it in what ever way, we were not given a portion of faith or it's not my gift. A very hard truth to face is that according to Hebrews 11:6, God says it is impossible to please Him without faith. What we are unaware of as children of our heavenly Father is that unbelief speaks to very the core of overcoming our addiction as well as other sins. By unbelief we make null and void the work of the cross, the work of salvation and the call to holy living. Yes brothers, we are called to live a holy life. (See 1 Pet 1:15) A very key factor to the first step to freedom is faith. Believing that God has not come to reject you, but rather heal and deliver you. Freedom is our inheritance, the right we fight to have. A freedom you will have to take. That fleshly pleasure will not make you whole. It will satisfy the flesh only for a brief moment but your soul will die along with your spirit. You see, if we do not believe that Jesus can set us free from bondage, then you will never be free of porn or any other addiction for that matter. Yes, unbelief is a sin as we read in the above scripture. With unbelief I reject the ability of Jesus to handle this problem in my life. I am rejecting Him as the Lord of life. Jesus claimed to be our Saviour, the Saviour of the world , He claimed he can save us from any problem, bondage and sin. By rationalising your unbelief with whatever excuses, you are calling Jesus a liar, a fake. When I follow the enemy's distorted and false advice I reveal the root of my sin nature, unbelief. We only think of sin as rules we are breaking, but sin in its very nature, is to be bound to something that makes you a slave in plain terms, doing an action more than once eventually not having the ability to refuse it anymore. God did set His word in place for our freedom, but without the spirit to help us walk there in, it becomes legalism. A right action without the Holy Spirit. Walking in the Word, in holiness, is preceded by the conviction that sin is bondage. For when we look upon the acts we do as God robbing us of pleasure and we just have appease this God to reap blessing, we are been drawn into a different kind of bondage. We as children of God must ask for understating of what bondage is to truly realise why we need to be freed from it. When I gave myself to God as a sinner, no empty promise of not to look again, no magic words that conjure some power from God to release me from bondage. Rather a broken man deep in bondage and in such need of saving, the saving came, my freedom was bestowed up me. This process of deliverance might be experienced uniquely for each us, but it starts with faith. Believing that Jesus has the capacity, the wisdom, the know how to save you. Your very freedom depends upon it.

The truth is that you cannot walk with God chained to unbelief let alone be an overcomer All sin is rooted in unbelief, even sexual sin like porn addiction. However you started with it, it starts as a substitute for something. Sadly a very poor substitute that will leave you in a terrible state. Satan asked Adam and Eve, “did God really say?”, sowing seeds of unbelief. Till this very day Satan is chained to unbelief. Somewhere he made a choice not to believe in what God says anymore, which made the way for pride thinking he can do it better. Are you truly going to believe God? Satan is a living breathing example of what unbelief does to you. The sad part of it is unbelief should rather be stated as not putting your trust in God, but in something else. All the world believes, but not all people believe in God. As children of God we can exercise our faith in the negative by not taking God by His word. Your unbelief is belief in the negative. I tried every trick in the book, out of myself to rid myself of this thing. When I came to the realisation that I can be free and only free through the work of Jesus, He did it. That choice caused my actions to be led by the spirit and not of the flesh. Believe He can, He did it for me. He can and wants to do it for you. He wants you to be set free. In saying that, by no means are other tactics made useless, like prayer, accountability, support, determination etc. But if not established by faith in the foundation of Jesus, your efforts become very counter productive, not to mention that you are sadly just busy with dead works.

I end this week in summary: Until you start to believe that Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit can make you free of pornography, you will not be free. Like so many others you will try out of the flesh to make it work, failing miserably. Every willful sin as children of God, is our faith in our flesh or the false advice from the enemy that our Heavenly Father's ways is not perfect. In the time that lies ahead, pray and repent of your unbelief asking God to enlist you in the school of believers. Yes a school, because we need to be taught by God afresh and anew what a faith walk is, and rightly so a walk. The process begins with making the choice to take God at His word, at face value, practicing to do it everyday until it becomes a natural thing which develops into fruit. Be blessed in this week, my brothers. May God strengthen you in this season and in your faith in Him.

Encouragement: 2 Cor 1:20 (God's promises are true)

Shalom
17 November 2010

My testimony

My brothers in Jesus the Messiah, the only begotten son of the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, the God of Israel, let me introduce myself. My name is Jozua and like you, I was fully addicted to porn. Jesus Himself pulled me from that pit and I stand redeemed. Psalm 40:2 He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. There were dark days in my life, but praise Jesus I have truly been set free. Why, my brother, is that important to know? Because God can set you free.

For many men out there today, the fight against porn addiction feels like a lost cause. Trying to quit is easier said than done. It is important to remember not to use your feelings as the major measurement or the more significant indicator for your spiritual condition. Don't go on your feelings, they betray quickly, it was the need to feel good on a physical level that got me and you into this mess to begin with. That being said I want to give a word of encouragement. If you are reading this article at this moment, if you have come to the conviction that it is a sin according to the bible and you can't live with the guilt anymore plus you have tried to quite, then you have made huge progress. It is a major first step. Many a man still sits entangled in it's snare without a care in the world, not knowing that they are already spiritually dead or even worse if you have given up to fight the good fight.

When I was younger, my dad kept a stack of Scope magazines where he kept his whiskey. Me and my brother discovered the feminine physique in a very unhealthy and unholy way. With no father to guide us in righteousness, the devil used this form of isolation to plant his seeds. Even in that God protected us but the devil used a much more subtle technique as to grow my addiction into a tree, rooting itself in my life. With each of us he has a unique strategy to lure us into the trap of addiction. For me and the men who shared their fight with me concerning an addiction, the root was not firmly established with outright lust, or a thirst for alcohol or the next high or money for that matter, but it had a need to be filled and was fed by something deeper. Like so may addictions it starts with a need then as it progresses it goes completely into the flesh where it is completely driven by the flesh and a spiritual bondage.

In primary school and high school, pornographic pictures where passed around and even after school there was a temptation to get involved with it. I once plucked up some false courage to buy a pornographic magazine and when pornographic video's were outrightly available in the video stores I hired one. But each time the guilt overran me and I vowed to never to look at such things again. Later in my my life, the once in a blue moon pattern became more frequent till it became once a month that grew into once a week and so it took control over my life becoming an everyday thing. Let me pause here and also say that watching porn every once in a blue moon is not from God. It still remains a sin and God does not look at its severity by the frequency of engagement. Also sin/addiction does not have preference to race, class, age or background. One of my major struggles and biggest sin in my life was the sin of rebellion and I am still fighting it. Which was the food this addiction needed to grow. For you, it might be that you struggle with rejection or pride etc. Asking God what feeds your addiction is vital to overcoming it. When I was twenty six I fed my flesh on a more regular basis and it was when I went to the States for a job interview that I opened a big door for this to come in taking me to the next level. While I was in my hotel room I did channel hopping where I came across an adult channel. I was fighting with myself the why's and the why nots, but eventually I gave in and I sinned. This single act gave way to many more to come. I was going down a very slippery slope slowly, unaware of where I would end up.

From that time on it became a monthly thing. When I was twenty eight I got a job in the UK and moved there for a while. I tried very hard not to give in, but I had no-one to help me with this battle and I also lived very isolated. Isolation is one of the enemy's tactics to get you to fall. It was there that my flesh was fed and my addiction grew. It became a very dark time in my life. I applied for a work permit and God had His hand in it. Praise him it didn't get approved. I had to come back to South Africa and it was here where I really could confront it head on.

This again is another tactic that the enemy uses amongst the men of God. Fry the frog slowly, kill him softly. I was spiritually dying from the age of twenty six till I hit thirty. It took four years and the enemy was maliciously patient, but God sovereignly intervened. We are all aware of this strategy. Look back in your life and you will discover how this works. Ask God to reveal to you this plan of the enemy. The brother you can't forgive, the pride you can't overcome. Let it lay and simmer. You don't have to deal with that now, God understands. Yes, he understand that you can't deal with it but He can. We must be careful that we don't let sin simmer. Make work of it by taking it to God as quickly as possible involving someone you can trust that you can confide in about this thing and so facing it head on. This does not mean that you do all the work and its up to you to get yourself set free, it means you take a pro-active approach in partnership with Jesus since we are co-heirs with Him. Romans 8:17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.

I am ending this week's article with the following: God made me free of porn addiction. God will free you. Next week I will write about my road to freedom. Brother, God wants to set you free. The struggle you are facing is not punishment but it's the road to freedom. The bigger the struggle the bigger the freedom. Jesus longs for you to breathe the fresh air again. Keep yourself in this fight no matter how many times you fall, allow God to pick you up from the ground as a good Father helping a son. The biggest lie from the devil is that you can't be rid of this thing, or you never will be. Stand firm, and do not deny that which is your heritage through Jesus: Your right to be free!

What my Husband’s pornography addiction did to me

Before I became a reborn Christian I use to watch pornography every now and then with my husband. I used to say there is no harm, but the fact was: I was not OK with it. Whenever we were intimate I always wondered if my husband fantasised about the women we saw in the movies. I always felt self-conscious because I was not able to do what the people in the movies could and I definitely did not look as good as the 20 year old in the movie who had never had children.

Intercourse was not intimate at all, but more of a race to try and live out something I saw in a movie. I did a lot of things just to please my husband. I didn't want to be boring in bed. I did some disgusting stuff in an effort to keep things interesting.

Later on in my marriage Jesus saved me from my sins and I devoted my life to Jesus. Shortly after that I found out that this was not the only extent of my husband’s pornography viewing. It was also books and websites that he viewed continuously. I found that anything with a dress was a potential fantasy, him wondering what is beneath it all, not able to keep his eyes off women. I felt so hurt, lied to, angry, ashamed, shocked, insecure, and heartbroken... the list goes on.

Let me tell you, your wife might say she is ok with watching pornography with you, but deep inside, she is not. You are hurting her, she feels that she will never be good enough to satisfy you. She is doing things that are against her will and morals. The perverse sex disgusts her, she cannot do the same things the people in the movies do, it is physically impossible.

This is something you should know... Your wife cannot fully respect you as she feels that you have no respect for her. She is afraid of denying because she is afraid you will reject her.

If you are not certain if it is wrong to watch pornography, masturbate, have perverse sex, feel free to 1st ask God’s blessing before you do it and see if you feel OK with it? I guess not.

My husband will never fully understand the impact his addiction had on me. With God’s grace I have forgiven him. Some scars take longer to heal, but Jesus is the only true Healer.

I beg of you to call on Jesus to heal you of your addictions, He is so faithful. He will restore your marriage and intimate relationship with your wife.

From a wife, a mother, a lover.

I was also caught in the web of pornography

“Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.” - 1 Corinthians 6: 9,10

Sexual Sin: This is something that can pull anyone in and in a blink of the eye you are addicted. It is not just the pornography, it is more than that. With it comes to lust, perverse sex, masturbation and many more.

I was introduced to pornography at a very young age. A friend at primary school had some books and films and I started looking at it. I thought this was the coolest thing and I wanted more and wanted to see more. From that day I was addicted to pornography and I started to look at girls in a different way. Girls weren’t girls anymore...

I was a shy chap and never had the courage to speak to girls. I did not have a good image and was very insecure. I found that I could replace that gap by spending time with pornography.

The porn monster went to the army with me, to work and also walked with me into my marriage. It was here where things got ugly and it was like the addiction intensified. I bought pornography magazines and hid them in various places in our home. Later on I viewed pornography on the web and on my cell phone. I had no idea that I had brought a curse onto my marriage and family.

This went on until the 14th year of my marriage when my wife came across the websites on my cell phone and confronted me. (Thank God)

That was the most humiliating day of my life ... ever. I saw what I was doing to my wife and that my behaviour had broken her heart. I realised that I had a problem and that I needed help. My help come from God shortly after that. I was driving home one evening when God touched my heart, I cried like a baby, told God that I did not want to continue with it. I asked God to forgive me and to heal me completely from the addiction and to change my life.

My life turned around 360 degrees and we (my wife and I) started to walk the road to healing with Jesus our Saviour. I can only thank God that my wife didn’t leave me and stood by me in this process. If God did not show her the pornography that day, I would have been nothing today.

If you place your sins and problems at the feet of Jesus, and you invite him into your heart and make him the Lord of your life, your life will change. The Holy Spirit will move in and God will start working within you. You will never be the same. To repent is the best feeling. You have nothing to hide and the weight will fall of your shoulders. It was a difficult road sometimes, but surely the best and worth it.

Side effects of porn

If you are a man, or if you know a man, you need to read this article. If you are a lady, or you know a woman, you need to read this article. Read this article. This article comes from the Husbands and Dads Blog.

Written by Chris Diggins, professional counselor (LMHC). You can check out his practice and blog by visiting Relationship Counseling Seattle.

Pornography is sometimes viewed as “normal” or an “art form.” A person might say, “What’s wrong with it?…I am not hurting anybody….everybody does it.” Those who promote, want to use, or can’t stop using porn, often have this perspective.

Here are some of the harmful consequences:

1. Porn often leads to more harmful sexually addictive behavior; e.g., compulsive masturbation, fantasy, promiscuity, exhibitionism, soliciting prostitutes, pedophilia, and rape. The user tends to gravitate toward the type of porn most being observed.

2. Porn by its very nature isolates an individual-making him more intent on satisfying selfish needs even at the expense of his marriage, family, financial stability, and career.

3. Porn stimulates a very powerful sexual desire followed by sexual release, most often through masturbation. Unfortunately, the release provides only momentary satisfaction, then an escalation of the behavior is required in an attempt to maintain a high level of sexual arousal.

4. Porn has the ability to control the user where he cannot stop. The fantasies occur more frequently as the addiction progresses.

Of the two pleasure centers in the brain, one is high impact, thrilling pleasure stimulated by pornography, erotic fantasies, or new sexual encounters. The other is a steady, less intense pleasure realized by walking on a beach, making love with a long term partner, helping a child with homework, experiencing deep feelings (painful or pleasant) and sharing them in a significant relationship.

A man doesn’t have to act out in dramatic ways to create harm in his life. Satisfaction can be achieved in small ways and still be detrimental. A beginner gets tastes of the high impact pleasure and slowly starts to integrate fantasies, images, and desires into everyday thoughts and behaviors. Even if he does not graduate to more involvement, this infiltration will still have a negative impact.

Supermodel Christy Brinkley’s family was destroyed by pornography. She and her husband, Peter Cook, had viewed porn together and considered it harmless. Then she discovered he had been masturbating via a web cam over the internet and had an affair with his 18 year old secretary whom he had groomed for sex since she was 15. She then pursued a public divorce trial to openly display his shameful behavior. In the settlement she was awarded full custody of the children. These severe consequences are just one example of what can happen to people.

People who stimulate the high impact pleasure center too often rarely get enough satisfaction. Porn can generate this type of pleasure with little effort. Once a man is hooked, he will have an extremely difficult time transitioning to healthy, more stable pleasure.

In my psychotherapy practice, couples enter therapy where the man has been caught using porn or acting out sexually. His wife is shocked, dismayed, and extremely angry about the betrayal. More often than not, they both believe it is about willpower and if he could only stay away from the computer, the prostitutes, or the porn, everything would be okay. They fail to realize that the sexual behavior is the symptom not the problem.

This is not like a substance addiction where a user can avoid a drink, a pusher or a drug. This compulsive behavior is lethal, since a man cannot simply avoid erotic thoughts. Especially in our culture, provocative images are everywhere. The underlying problem is that he is addicted to high intensity pleasure and does not know how to experience pleasure from everyday, ordinary life situations; such as, spending quality time with his family or having intimate talks and sharing with his wife. Frequently, neither partner knows how to enjoy these simple pleasures, therefore, it is not just the man who needs therapy. The marriage needs an overhaul where both have to address emotional issues.

I inform the couple, “this unfortunate, painful event can be used to open your eyes and turn your marriage around…you can end up with a wonderful marriage, one you never knew was possible. Yes, your husband betrayed you and he is responsible to repair the damage done to you…and his behavior is indicative of a person who is unhappy, bored, anxious, even depressed in his marriage. He did not know what to do to address his unhappiness. If he is so unhappy that he is willing to endanger his marriage, then more than likely you also are in an unsatisfying marriage….at some point you both will look back on this and the porn will no longer be an issue…in fact you will even be grateful that he got caught.”

The couple needs to learn to replace the depression, loneliness, anxiety and the high intensity pleasure with the everyday pleasures of delight and wonder for their marriage and their family life.

With the clinical evidence rapidly mounting against pornography use, the question remains: how can couples explore intimacy and their sexuality with suffering the negative effects of pornography?

Seksuele sondes en Ek

Wat is seksuele sonde nou eintlik ?

Ek dink dis die seer en die verkeerd van gister waar agter ons vandag probeer skuil. Die gemis van ‘n tekort in kleintyd. Die onsekerheid van menswees of sal ek se manwees.

Die soeke na vrae wat nooit gevind sal word nie omdat die antwoord nie daarin opgesluit le nie. Dalk ‘n tekort aan selfvertroue en dalk ook respek.

So kan ons aangaan en aangaan tot die dood intree, want hierdie soort sonde lui tot die dood soos enige ander sonde waarvan jy nie afstand doen nie.

Spreuke 7

Jakobus 1:15 - Daarna, as die begeerlikheid ontvang het, baar dit sonde; en as die sonde tot volle ontwikkeling gekom het, bring dit die dood voort.

Menigte mense en veral mans soek liefde, vrede , geluk en ‘n identiteit in seksuele sondes en hoe minder hulle dit vind hoe meer soek hulle daarna in die tipe sondes. Die gevaar en erns is dat die persoon agter ‘n dekmantel skuil en versuim om na vore te kom.

WAAROM : Sonde is van die duiwel en nie van God nie. Die duiwel is die god van duister en God is die God van lig. Sonde vind dus plaas in die duister en geregtigheid is in die lig. Satan staan nie terug vir ons om sondes op te gee nie en daarom hou hy dit in die duisternis. Solank as wat dit in die duisternis is, het hy ‘n houvas op ons. Sodra ons dit in die lig bring het satan nie meer daardie houvas nie en kan God daarmee begin werk.

Jakobus 5:16 - Bely mekaar julle misdade en bid vir mekaar, sodat julle gesond kan word. Die vurige gebed van ‘n regverdige het groot krag.

Wil ons GOD die oorwinnaar van ons lewe maak of satan !

Ek het grootgeword in ‘n huis waar seksuele sondes deel was daarvan. Ek het vroeg my vriendekring dan ook so gekies om by my omstandighede in te pas. Dit is nogal snaaks dat die spreekwoord “ soort soek soort “ tog so waar is want jy kies vriende en verhoudings sonder die wete en wil wat by jou karakter pas. In my derde standard op skool lig ‘n vriend my dus meer as deeglik in oor die feite van die lewe en om alles te kroon verskaf sy ouers aan hom pornografiese materiaal op ‘n vrylike wyse.

Eksperimente met masturbasie en op stadiums, meisies, begin posvat en verskeie omstandighede speel homself af ten aanskoue van myself wat dan ‘n verwronge beeld van seksualiteit by my kweek. Later raak ek ook by eksplisiewe films betrokke en baie meisies en later prostitute.

Ek word lid van die Suid Afrikaanse Polisie waar hierdie dinge die orde van die dag is en byna almal deel van is. Dit raak so ‘n groot grap dat totale respek vir seksualiteit verloor word. Ek raak ook vasgevang in buite egtelike verhoudings in my huwelike asof dit die standard van die lewe is. Na ‘n mislukte huwelik verloor ek ook amper ‘n tweede huwelik waarop my Skepper, my Vader en my Heer my lewe ingryp en red.

Wel kort voor lank kom ek tot die besef dat ‘n mens nie net verlos is van seksuele sondes sonder dat jy nie self hard werk om dit teen te staan nie en volle vertroue in God die Vader te he nie. Sekere aspekte van jou swak wees buit die vyand ( satan ) totaal en al uit en voor jy jouself kan kry is jy weer vasgevang in hierdie bose kringloop. Nooit maar nooit moet jy dink “ I have arrived “ nie en nog minder dat jy sterk genoeg is om aanslae self te verdedig nie.  My vriend, vertrou maar altyd ten volle op Jesus die seun van God

Die Here was so goed om my, wat niks is, ‘n visie te gee om ‘n groepie te begin wat handel oor die ondersteunings aspek vir manne wat uitdagings ervaar rondom die seksuele sonde.

Christo Van Eck

christovaneck@gmail.com