My testimony

My brothers in Jesus the Messiah, the only begotten son of the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, the God of Israel, let me introduce myself. My name is Jozua and like you, I was fully addicted to porn. Jesus Himself pulled me from that pit and I stand redeemed. Psalm 40:2 He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. There were dark days in my life, but praise Jesus I have truly been set free. Why, my brother, is that important to know? Because God can set you free.

For many men out there today, the fight against porn addiction feels like a lost cause. Trying to quit is easier said than done. It is important to remember not to use your feelings as the major measurement or the more significant indicator for your spiritual condition. Don't go on your feelings, they betray quickly, it was the need to feel good on a physical level that got me and you into this mess to begin with. That being said I want to give a word of encouragement. If you are reading this article at this moment, if you have come to the conviction that it is a sin according to the bible and you can't live with the guilt anymore plus you have tried to quite, then you have made huge progress. It is a major first step. Many a man still sits entangled in it's snare without a care in the world, not knowing that they are already spiritually dead or even worse if you have given up to fight the good fight.

When I was younger, my dad kept a stack of Scope magazines where he kept his whiskey. Me and my brother discovered the feminine physique in a very unhealthy and unholy way. With no father to guide us in righteousness, the devil used this form of isolation to plant his seeds. Even in that God protected us but the devil used a much more subtle technique as to grow my addiction into a tree, rooting itself in my life. With each of us he has a unique strategy to lure us into the trap of addiction. For me and the men who shared their fight with me concerning an addiction, the root was not firmly established with outright lust, or a thirst for alcohol or the next high or money for that matter, but it had a need to be filled and was fed by something deeper. Like so may addictions it starts with a need then as it progresses it goes completely into the flesh where it is completely driven by the flesh and a spiritual bondage.

In primary school and high school, pornographic pictures where passed around and even after school there was a temptation to get involved with it. I once plucked up some false courage to buy a pornographic magazine and when pornographic video's were outrightly available in the video stores I hired one. But each time the guilt overran me and I vowed to never to look at such things again. Later in my my life, the once in a blue moon pattern became more frequent till it became once a month that grew into once a week and so it took control over my life becoming an everyday thing. Let me pause here and also say that watching porn every once in a blue moon is not from God. It still remains a sin and God does not look at its severity by the frequency of engagement. Also sin/addiction does not have preference to race, class, age or background. One of my major struggles and biggest sin in my life was the sin of rebellion and I am still fighting it. Which was the food this addiction needed to grow. For you, it might be that you struggle with rejection or pride etc. Asking God what feeds your addiction is vital to overcoming it. When I was twenty six I fed my flesh on a more regular basis and it was when I went to the States for a job interview that I opened a big door for this to come in taking me to the next level. While I was in my hotel room I did channel hopping where I came across an adult channel. I was fighting with myself the why's and the why nots, but eventually I gave in and I sinned. This single act gave way to many more to come. I was going down a very slippery slope slowly, unaware of where I would end up.

From that time on it became a monthly thing. When I was twenty eight I got a job in the UK and moved there for a while. I tried very hard not to give in, but I had no-one to help me with this battle and I also lived very isolated. Isolation is one of the enemy's tactics to get you to fall. It was there that my flesh was fed and my addiction grew. It became a very dark time in my life. I applied for a work permit and God had His hand in it. Praise him it didn't get approved. I had to come back to South Africa and it was here where I really could confront it head on.

This again is another tactic that the enemy uses amongst the men of God. Fry the frog slowly, kill him softly. I was spiritually dying from the age of twenty six till I hit thirty. It took four years and the enemy was maliciously patient, but God sovereignly intervened. We are all aware of this strategy. Look back in your life and you will discover how this works. Ask God to reveal to you this plan of the enemy. The brother you can't forgive, the pride you can't overcome. Let it lay and simmer. You don't have to deal with that now, God understands. Yes, he understand that you can't deal with it but He can. We must be careful that we don't let sin simmer. Make work of it by taking it to God as quickly as possible involving someone you can trust that you can confide in about this thing and so facing it head on. This does not mean that you do all the work and its up to you to get yourself set free, it means you take a pro-active approach in partnership with Jesus since we are co-heirs with Him. Romans 8:17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.

I am ending this week's article with the following: God made me free of porn addiction. God will free you. Next week I will write about my road to freedom. Brother, God wants to set you free. The struggle you are facing is not punishment but it's the road to freedom. The bigger the struggle the bigger the freedom. Jesus longs for you to breathe the fresh air again. Keep yourself in this fight no matter how many times you fall, allow God to pick you up from the ground as a good Father helping a son. The biggest lie from the devil is that you can't be rid of this thing, or you never will be. Stand firm, and do not deny that which is your heritage through Jesus: Your right to be free!

What my Husband’s pornography addiction did to me

Before I became a reborn Christian I use to watch pornography every now and then with my husband. I used to say there is no harm, but the fact was: I was not OK with it. Whenever we were intimate I always wondered if my husband fantasised about the women we saw in the movies. I always felt self-conscious because I was not able to do what the people in the movies could and I definitely did not look as good as the 20 year old in the movie who had never had children.

Intercourse was not intimate at all, but more of a race to try and live out something I saw in a movie. I did a lot of things just to please my husband. I didn't want to be boring in bed. I did some disgusting stuff in an effort to keep things interesting.

Later on in my marriage Jesus saved me from my sins and I devoted my life to Jesus. Shortly after that I found out that this was not the only extent of my husband’s pornography viewing. It was also books and websites that he viewed continuously. I found that anything with a dress was a potential fantasy, him wondering what is beneath it all, not able to keep his eyes off women. I felt so hurt, lied to, angry, ashamed, shocked, insecure, and heartbroken... the list goes on.

Let me tell you, your wife might say she is ok with watching pornography with you, but deep inside, she is not. You are hurting her, she feels that she will never be good enough to satisfy you. She is doing things that are against her will and morals. The perverse sex disgusts her, she cannot do the same things the people in the movies do, it is physically impossible.

This is something you should know... Your wife cannot fully respect you as she feels that you have no respect for her. She is afraid of denying because she is afraid you will reject her.

If you are not certain if it is wrong to watch pornography, masturbate, have perverse sex, feel free to 1st ask God’s blessing before you do it and see if you feel OK with it? I guess not.

My husband will never fully understand the impact his addiction had on me. With God’s grace I have forgiven him. Some scars take longer to heal, but Jesus is the only true Healer.

I beg of you to call on Jesus to heal you of your addictions, He is so faithful. He will restore your marriage and intimate relationship with your wife.

From a wife, a mother, a lover.

I was also caught in the web of pornography

“Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.” - 1 Corinthians 6: 9,10

Sexual Sin: This is something that can pull anyone in and in a blink of the eye you are addicted. It is not just the pornography, it is more than that. With it comes to lust, perverse sex, masturbation and many more.

I was introduced to pornography at a very young age. A friend at primary school had some books and films and I started looking at it. I thought this was the coolest thing and I wanted more and wanted to see more. From that day I was addicted to pornography and I started to look at girls in a different way. Girls weren’t girls anymore...

I was a shy chap and never had the courage to speak to girls. I did not have a good image and was very insecure. I found that I could replace that gap by spending time with pornography.

The porn monster went to the army with me, to work and also walked with me into my marriage. It was here where things got ugly and it was like the addiction intensified. I bought pornography magazines and hid them in various places in our home. Later on I viewed pornography on the web and on my cell phone. I had no idea that I had brought a curse onto my marriage and family.

This went on until the 14th year of my marriage when my wife came across the websites on my cell phone and confronted me. (Thank God)

That was the most humiliating day of my life ... ever. I saw what I was doing to my wife and that my behaviour had broken her heart. I realised that I had a problem and that I needed help. My help come from God shortly after that. I was driving home one evening when God touched my heart, I cried like a baby, told God that I did not want to continue with it. I asked God to forgive me and to heal me completely from the addiction and to change my life.

My life turned around 360 degrees and we (my wife and I) started to walk the road to healing with Jesus our Saviour. I can only thank God that my wife didn’t leave me and stood by me in this process. If God did not show her the pornography that day, I would have been nothing today.

If you place your sins and problems at the feet of Jesus, and you invite him into your heart and make him the Lord of your life, your life will change. The Holy Spirit will move in and God will start working within you. You will never be the same. To repent is the best feeling. You have nothing to hide and the weight will fall of your shoulders. It was a difficult road sometimes, but surely the best and worth it.

Side effects of porn

If you are a man, or if you know a man, you need to read this article. If you are a lady, or you know a woman, you need to read this article. Read this article. This article comes from the Husbands and Dads Blog.

Written by Chris Diggins, professional counselor (LMHC). You can check out his practice and blog by visiting Relationship Counseling Seattle.

Pornography is sometimes viewed as “normal” or an “art form.” A person might say, “What’s wrong with it?…I am not hurting anybody….everybody does it.” Those who promote, want to use, or can’t stop using porn, often have this perspective.

Here are some of the harmful consequences:

1. Porn often leads to more harmful sexually addictive behavior; e.g., compulsive masturbation, fantasy, promiscuity, exhibitionism, soliciting prostitutes, pedophilia, and rape. The user tends to gravitate toward the type of porn most being observed.

2. Porn by its very nature isolates an individual-making him more intent on satisfying selfish needs even at the expense of his marriage, family, financial stability, and career.

3. Porn stimulates a very powerful sexual desire followed by sexual release, most often through masturbation. Unfortunately, the release provides only momentary satisfaction, then an escalation of the behavior is required in an attempt to maintain a high level of sexual arousal.

4. Porn has the ability to control the user where he cannot stop. The fantasies occur more frequently as the addiction progresses.

Of the two pleasure centers in the brain, one is high impact, thrilling pleasure stimulated by pornography, erotic fantasies, or new sexual encounters. The other is a steady, less intense pleasure realized by walking on a beach, making love with a long term partner, helping a child with homework, experiencing deep feelings (painful or pleasant) and sharing them in a significant relationship.

A man doesn’t have to act out in dramatic ways to create harm in his life. Satisfaction can be achieved in small ways and still be detrimental. A beginner gets tastes of the high impact pleasure and slowly starts to integrate fantasies, images, and desires into everyday thoughts and behaviors. Even if he does not graduate to more involvement, this infiltration will still have a negative impact.

Supermodel Christy Brinkley’s family was destroyed by pornography. She and her husband, Peter Cook, had viewed porn together and considered it harmless. Then she discovered he had been masturbating via a web cam over the internet and had an affair with his 18 year old secretary whom he had groomed for sex since she was 15. She then pursued a public divorce trial to openly display his shameful behavior. In the settlement she was awarded full custody of the children. These severe consequences are just one example of what can happen to people.

People who stimulate the high impact pleasure center too often rarely get enough satisfaction. Porn can generate this type of pleasure with little effort. Once a man is hooked, he will have an extremely difficult time transitioning to healthy, more stable pleasure.

In my psychotherapy practice, couples enter therapy where the man has been caught using porn or acting out sexually. His wife is shocked, dismayed, and extremely angry about the betrayal. More often than not, they both believe it is about willpower and if he could only stay away from the computer, the prostitutes, or the porn, everything would be okay. They fail to realize that the sexual behavior is the symptom not the problem.

This is not like a substance addiction where a user can avoid a drink, a pusher or a drug. This compulsive behavior is lethal, since a man cannot simply avoid erotic thoughts. Especially in our culture, provocative images are everywhere. The underlying problem is that he is addicted to high intensity pleasure and does not know how to experience pleasure from everyday, ordinary life situations; such as, spending quality time with his family or having intimate talks and sharing with his wife. Frequently, neither partner knows how to enjoy these simple pleasures, therefore, it is not just the man who needs therapy. The marriage needs an overhaul where both have to address emotional issues.

I inform the couple, “this unfortunate, painful event can be used to open your eyes and turn your marriage around…you can end up with a wonderful marriage, one you never knew was possible. Yes, your husband betrayed you and he is responsible to repair the damage done to you…and his behavior is indicative of a person who is unhappy, bored, anxious, even depressed in his marriage. He did not know what to do to address his unhappiness. If he is so unhappy that he is willing to endanger his marriage, then more than likely you also are in an unsatisfying marriage….at some point you both will look back on this and the porn will no longer be an issue…in fact you will even be grateful that he got caught.”

The couple needs to learn to replace the depression, loneliness, anxiety and the high intensity pleasure with the everyday pleasures of delight and wonder for their marriage and their family life.

With the clinical evidence rapidly mounting against pornography use, the question remains: how can couples explore intimacy and their sexuality with suffering the negative effects of pornography?

Seksuele sondes en Ek

Wat is seksuele sonde nou eintlik ?

Ek dink dis die seer en die verkeerd van gister waar agter ons vandag probeer skuil. Die gemis van ‘n tekort in kleintyd. Die onsekerheid van menswees of sal ek se manwees.

Die soeke na vrae wat nooit gevind sal word nie omdat die antwoord nie daarin opgesluit le nie. Dalk ‘n tekort aan selfvertroue en dalk ook respek.

So kan ons aangaan en aangaan tot die dood intree, want hierdie soort sonde lui tot die dood soos enige ander sonde waarvan jy nie afstand doen nie.

Spreuke 7

Jakobus 1:15 - Daarna, as die begeerlikheid ontvang het, baar dit sonde; en as die sonde tot volle ontwikkeling gekom het, bring dit die dood voort.

Menigte mense en veral mans soek liefde, vrede , geluk en ‘n identiteit in seksuele sondes en hoe minder hulle dit vind hoe meer soek hulle daarna in die tipe sondes. Die gevaar en erns is dat die persoon agter ‘n dekmantel skuil en versuim om na vore te kom.

WAAROM : Sonde is van die duiwel en nie van God nie. Die duiwel is die god van duister en God is die God van lig. Sonde vind dus plaas in die duister en geregtigheid is in die lig. Satan staan nie terug vir ons om sondes op te gee nie en daarom hou hy dit in die duisternis. Solank as wat dit in die duisternis is, het hy ‘n houvas op ons. Sodra ons dit in die lig bring het satan nie meer daardie houvas nie en kan God daarmee begin werk.

Jakobus 5:16 - Bely mekaar julle misdade en bid vir mekaar, sodat julle gesond kan word. Die vurige gebed van ‘n regverdige het groot krag.

Wil ons GOD die oorwinnaar van ons lewe maak of satan !

Ek het grootgeword in ‘n huis waar seksuele sondes deel was daarvan. Ek het vroeg my vriendekring dan ook so gekies om by my omstandighede in te pas. Dit is nogal snaaks dat die spreekwoord “ soort soek soort “ tog so waar is want jy kies vriende en verhoudings sonder die wete en wil wat by jou karakter pas. In my derde standard op skool lig ‘n vriend my dus meer as deeglik in oor die feite van die lewe en om alles te kroon verskaf sy ouers aan hom pornografiese materiaal op ‘n vrylike wyse.

Eksperimente met masturbasie en op stadiums, meisies, begin posvat en verskeie omstandighede speel homself af ten aanskoue van myself wat dan ‘n verwronge beeld van seksualiteit by my kweek. Later raak ek ook by eksplisiewe films betrokke en baie meisies en later prostitute.

Ek word lid van die Suid Afrikaanse Polisie waar hierdie dinge die orde van die dag is en byna almal deel van is. Dit raak so ‘n groot grap dat totale respek vir seksualiteit verloor word. Ek raak ook vasgevang in buite egtelike verhoudings in my huwelike asof dit die standard van die lewe is. Na ‘n mislukte huwelik verloor ek ook amper ‘n tweede huwelik waarop my Skepper, my Vader en my Heer my lewe ingryp en red.

Wel kort voor lank kom ek tot die besef dat ‘n mens nie net verlos is van seksuele sondes sonder dat jy nie self hard werk om dit teen te staan nie en volle vertroue in God die Vader te he nie. Sekere aspekte van jou swak wees buit die vyand ( satan ) totaal en al uit en voor jy jouself kan kry is jy weer vasgevang in hierdie bose kringloop. Nooit maar nooit moet jy dink “ I have arrived “ nie en nog minder dat jy sterk genoeg is om aanslae self te verdedig nie.  My vriend, vertrou maar altyd ten volle op Jesus die seun van God

Die Here was so goed om my, wat niks is, ‘n visie te gee om ‘n groepie te begin wat handel oor die ondersteunings aspek vir manne wat uitdagings ervaar rondom die seksuele sonde.

Christo Van Eck

christovaneck@gmail.com

I trust You

Father, In Your Hands I commit my heart and my life. Take over my marriage, my household, my work, my dreams, my ambitions, my abilities and create in me a pure heart so that in all I do, I may honour You.

Jesus I love You

I am born into the KINGDOM

Made holy

Man

What is the truth?